One of my favorite quotes is from the movie A Most Violent Year said by the main character Abel Morales:
When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life, and that I can’t do.
About 4 years ago I was in Vancouver, sitting in bed feeling the same way I feel right now. Afraid.
Afraid of leaving a comfortable place, where I felt loved, respected, valued, challenged, safe. I had a perfect apartment 5 minute walk away from work, an amazing career, a group of close friends and a loving relationship. But there was this feeling, like it’s time to move on, despite so many reasons to stay content. Move on to something unknown and bigger, something that scared the hell out of me. Back then moving to San Francisco has suddenly become this unattainable dream come true, but I felt afraid of losing everything I had, and most of all failing, by biting more than I could chew. After all, who was I, a girl from Soviet Uzbekistan, to reach for a multinational fintech on the brink of IPO? Even walking into that office seemed imposturous.
But you can’t ignore that feeling that grows inside, the one that says there’s something more out there. And even when it feels like the worst timing, that’s usually exactly the right time, in retrospect.
If you know how lobsters grow, it’s fascinating that their hard shell doesn’t. The soft animal inside it feels uncomfortable when it outgrows it, so it has to shed and develop a new shell that will strengthen over several weeks during which lobster is in danger of being an easy prey. This process of growing continues throughout their entire life exposing them every time, but without taking the risk, they won’t grow. I find this so perfectly describing us human beings too.
And maybe this time I’m not leaving behind a city or loved ones. Given the political, economic and emotional state of affairs mixed with personal circumstances, it still feels like there’s a lot to lose… but hopefully a lot more to gain. Honestly that’s all that one can ever lean on in order to take that leap of faith. And 99% of the time it’s worth it, at the very least for a good story.
Blog of Mariya Pak 
✓ I liked the idea of comparing yourself with a lobster, which makes it analogous to the wild marine environment. And the film is also deserving. Thanks to the authors for pushing you to take decisive action. I would like to take this opportunity to add a few words.
I want to make a clarification. Lobsters, although they are called crabs, are actually large crustaceans, which also include shrimp. They do not cast the coats. But the crabs, indeed, to got out of their shell and wait until the new one hardens. During this period, the crab is absolutely defenseless, since it remains naked without “armor”. But why do both lobster and crab tend to get bigger? The larger the lobster, the less probability to be eaten by some small jaws. Crabs themselves are predators. They constantly measure their strength with each other. And the winner often eats the body parts of the weaker competitors. And sometimes entirely – it all depends on how much hungry the strongest is. In any case, if you don’t want to be eaten, you need to become bigger and stronger. That is – either you will or they will. This is the law of the sea world.
In our “dashing” time and humanity comes to the laws of nature. Therefore, the subconscious striving to “grow” must be realized. All the same. Or you will steer or you will be used … IMHO.
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Thank you for your comment! I most definitely agree, eat or be eaten. Growth is now a survival mechanism, among humans too in this competitive and very challenging life.
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Yes, you are absolutely right! Striving for growth is not just an inner desire. This is a vital necessity.
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