One of my favorite quotes is from the movie A Most Violent Year said by the main character Abel Morales:
When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life, and that I can’t do.
About 4 years ago I was in Vancouver, sitting in bed feeling the same way I feel right now. Afraid.
Afraid of leaving a comfortable place, where I felt loved, respected, valued, challenged, safe. I had a perfect apartment 5 minute walk away from work, an amazing career, a group of close friends and a loving relationship. But there was this feeling, like it’s time to move on, despite so many reasons to stay content. Move on to something unknown and bigger, something that scared the hell out of me. Back then moving to San Francisco has suddenly become this unattainable dream come true, but I felt afraid of losing everything I had, and most of all failing, by biting more than I could chew. After all, who was I, a girl from Soviet Uzbekistan, to reach for a multinational fintech on the brink of IPO? Even walking into that office seemed imposturous.
But you can’t ignore that feeling that grows inside, the one that says there’s something more out there. And even when it feels like the worst timing, that’s usually exactly the right time, in retrospect.
If you know how lobsters grow, it’s fascinating that their hard shell doesn’t. The soft animal inside it feels uncomfortable when it outgrows it, so it has to shed and develop a new shell that will strengthen over several weeks during which lobster is in danger of being an easy prey. This process of growing continues throughout their entire life exposing them every time, but without taking the risk, they won’t grow. I find this so perfectly describing us human beings too.
And maybe this time I’m not leaving behind a city or loved ones. Given the political, economic and emotional state of affairs mixed with personal circumstances, it still feels like there’s a lot to lose… but hopefully a lot more to gain. Honestly that’s all that one can ever lean on in order to take that leap of faith. And 99% of the time it’s worth it, at the very least for a good story.